Saying Goodbye to 2008

Dearest Child of Mine,

As we say goodbye to 2008 and say hello to 2009, I can't help but think of you. Will 2009 be the year that you'll come home? I hope and pray that it is!

If we do find our way to each other this year, here's some interesting bits of trivia for you:

• You will start kindergarten in 2014


• Be old enough to drive a car in 2025


• Finish high school and vote for the first time in 2027


• Graduate from college with the class of 2031

It's just surreal for me that you will never know life in the twentieth century. You will only know what it's like to live in the "two thousands." You see, when I was growing up, my playground friends and I talked about what life in the twenty first century would be like. We pretty much decided that, by the year 2010, we'd all have personal jet packs and trips to space would be as normal as trips to Disneyland. 2010 is going to be here next year, and I don't see either of those things happening in the near future. Nuts. Maybe, by the time you're old enough to drive in 2025, we'll be handing you the keys to your very own spacemobile? Go ahead, laugh at your mother. You're allowed.

As I think about what life could be like for you, I'm reminded of just how much things have changed in this world in the past fifteen years. For one, when we were growing up, only the very few had cell phones. I didn't even see my first cell phone until Papa bought one while I was in high school. It was a huge, dinosaur of a thing. Now, it's rare that you find an eight year old without a cell phone on his ear 24/7.

And I remember, my senior year in high school (1996, thankyouverymuch), listening to my econ teacher go on and on about how the "information superhighway" is going to change the world. I find out all about what he meant the next year when I was a freshman in college and logged on to the Internet for the first time. To think that your father and I nearly had a conniption fit last week when our Internet carrier made a mistake and put us on dial-up service for seven. whole. DAYS. When we got hooked up again to high speed Internet, the two of us grabbed our laptops and took in all of the fast loading pages we could, fearful that putting down our computers would mean that we would have to go back to the antiquitated days of dial up web browsing. *Shudder*

Well, I'm off now to go get ready for tonight's low key New Year's Eve festivities.

Love you to the space ages and back,

Your mommy

Our Story

Dear child of mine,

I write this so that you may one day know the love that brought you into our home. I haven't met you yet, but I love you more than words can possibly describe. You will be our son or daughter that will make me a mom and your father, well, a dad. We've been praying for you for so long and anxiously await the time that you will join our lives.

One day, when you're old enough to understand and old enough to read this, you may ask how you came into our lives. While I don't have the answers as of yet (we're currently waiting for your birth mom to choose us to be your forever family), I can tell you the story that has been written for you so far. I'll start with my story.

Life doesn't happen the way you plan it. I know that well, because I'm a type A-call-me-Kate-Gosselin-things-must-go-as-I-plan-planner. I always have been like that. Ask my mother!


In high school, my schedule called for me to go to USC and then on to law school. Yep, I was going to make the big bucks as a lawyer and thrive in the excitement of the courtroom. High school friends who suggested that I be a teacher were met with my scoff of "Yeah, right--high school kids would bug me. Besides, I want to make the big bucks."



I should have known. God, had a better, more awesome plan in store for me. I ended up going to a small (but well respected) Christian college in the Northwest. Plans to be a lawyer quickly faded when I found the call of the stage beckoning me. Once again, God gently nudged me in His direction: I added a theatre major to my course-load and eventually went on to become a high school theatre teacher.


It took this thick skull of mine a few times to get it right: when God beckons me towards a certain direction, things go smoothly. Anytime I try to do things my way, on my time, with my ever-present plans and ideals, I end up facing a wall. That's not to say that things NEVER go as planned, but it's happened enough that I know to follow Him and listen when He whispers in my ear.

Right--back to my idealistic plans. After getting swept off of my feet (thank you Jay) and getting married in a whirlwind nine months, I started to dream of the day when we would get pregnant and expand on our family. Okay, truth be told? I started to dream of the day I would be a mom way before I got married. The plan was to get married at 25 to an awesome, cute Christian guy who made me laugh (check, check, and triple check), be married for three years and then get pregnant.

We got two dogs and "practiced" parenting. Maynerd and Roxy are our two dogs. They've taught Jay patience, and they've taught me that I need to grow a bigger backbone when staring into those deep, brown eyes.

I started to dip my toes into the waters of adoption and ended up falling in head first. I suggested adoption to Jay casually one evening, and to my amazement, he was on board. Way more on board than I was at that point. I joined another online message group, this time one for adoptive parents. I made the trip over to my own parents' house, and shared our plans with them. I had so been looking forward to the day I would tell them that I was pregnant, and while this wasn't an easy announcement to make, I knew that it was what was in store for our future family. God would take care of the details. My prayers were answered: my parents were supportive of us (if caught off guard at first) in every which way.


A week into researching adoption, we got a phone call from a wonderful woman who runs the adoption message board. There was a baby available in Texas. Were we interested? I don't think my jaw left the table the entire phone conversation. Jay and I prayed about it, and agreed that while it was soon and the situation that this boy came with was less than ideal, we would proceed in our plans to adopt him. We were paired with a local adoption agency, who promptly began our extremely expedited homestudy.

We were listening to God's call for us to be adoptive parents at last. The strenuous infertility road turned to a very smooth, very quick, adoption path. We were going to be parents. Dreams of seeing a child with "our" features and characteristics were replaced with the dreams of having a child to call our own. And you were the answer to our dreams!


Three weeks into the home study, while our family was at our house transforming our home office into a nursery, we got another phone call: situation surrounding the baby in Texas no longer allowed for him to be adopted. Without getting into specifics, the birthmom (who was not in a position to parent the child herself) decided against adoption, and her own parents would be taking care of the child. I don't know how to explain it, but sadness was not an emotion I was feeling at receiving this news. Rather, I was filled with peace. I know that God placed that little baby in our lives to force us to start the homestudy sooner than we had originally anticipated. I'm convinced that it is because our child is waiting for us...and that would be you, my dear little one!

We had to switch gears with the adoption agency and jump through a few more hoops, but still, we finished our home study in a record 6 weeks. We officially became available to adopt just before Thanksgiving of 2008. Our profile is currently being shown to prospective birth parents, and we hope to be matched (soon) with you--our child that was meant to be our son or daughter!

I hope to continue to post as we venture on the journey we never 'planned' to take: adoption. It's so much better than anything we could ever have dreamed. God's plan is a perfect plan; I can't imagine now another way to expand our family.

And that, dear child of mine, is our story. Our story is also your story. Without these twists and turns, you will have never found your way into our family. May God continue to bless the path that led us straight to you!

Dear Birthmom

Every adoptive couple is encouraged to write a letter to prospective birthmoms. While it was difficult at first--I mean, how can I define who we are as a couple (and as individuals) AND explain why we would be good parents AND say what we have to offer future children in a page or less? Once I got started, however, the words flowed through me.

And this, dear child of mine, is the letter that brought you to your father and I:

Dear Birthmother,

Hello! We hope that by reading this profile, you can get a sense of who we are as individuals, as a couple, and as prospective parents. We are Sarah and Jay, and we live in Central California. We have been happily married for five years and have two adorable dogs: Maynerd and Roxy. We are very excited to become parents through the miracle of adoption!

I (Sarah) cannot wait to be a mom. I am a thirty year old high school drama teacher and I've worked at the same high school for the past eight years. I have the best job in the world: I get to play all day! I have been blessed with an amazingly loving husband and a fantastic group of supportive friends and family. If my friends were asked to describe me, they would say that I'm a warm, creative and loving person with a big heart and a quick wit. My friends and family are very important to me, and I'm happy to say that they've all been very supportive of our decision to adopt. I'm a pretty active person with a lot of creative energy and hobbies. When I'm not at school, I can usually be found playing with my dogs, reading, baking or scrapbooking (or sometimes all four).

Jay is a 35 year old truck driver. Although his “real” name is Michael, everyone calls him Jay. He was born and raised in Central California and is close with his family, especially Beth, his adopted sister. Beth was one of the first ones to encourage us to adopt, and we’re both so glad she did. Jay takes pride in taking care of our yard and our vehicles, and loves detailing cars for friends and family. Dirt bikes and motorcycles were a big part of his childhood, and always will be in his life (although he’s much more cautious now than when he was in my twenties). Jay currently is a truck driver for a local truck company, and while he likes his job, he is more excited about becoming a stay at home dad when a child joins our family. He’ll make a great dad. He’s so loving and patient!

Together, we make quite a team. It was fitting that we met at church, because God has been the center of our relationship from day one. We have made it a point to build our marriage's foundation on God and our faith, and that has enabled us to get through everything, including the struggles of infertility. I cannot have children on my own without major medical intervention. The infertility process was a difficult one, but we survived by relying on each other. We know that God has a plan for our future family: adoption!

As parents, we plan on raising our child (and hopefully a second child in the future) in the same loving and supportive Christian environment that we were blessed with as children. Our child will be cherished: he or she will be the first grandchild in both of our families! We each have so much to offer our future children, both in our hearts and our home. Until that magical time happens, we wait and plan for the day that a child will complete our loving family.

Thank you so much for taking the time to look at our profile. We know that placing your child for adoption is not an easy decision to make, and we sincerely hope that you're able to make the decision that's right for you and your baby.

With love,


Sarah & Jay

The Beauty of It All

Dearest Child of Mine,

Now that I've told you (in great detail) about how we came to adoption, I want to tell you about what makes it so very special and beautiful.

Shortly after I told my parents (your Nonni & Papa) that we wanted to adopt, I had a long phone conversation with Papa. You know what he told me, dearest child? He said that adoption, in a way, was the most special way a baby can come into a family. He went on to say that our future child (you), will be loved so much because he or she will be handpicked by God. I love that. You were hand picked by God to be in our family. Isn't that wonderful?

Not only were you hand picked, but because you were adopted, so many of our friends and family (and even those who we hardly knew) were involved in bringing you to us! You see, it's not enough that your father and I wanted to adopt. The adoption agency (Bethany Christian Services) really wanted to make sure that we would be good parents for you. In order to do prove this, we had to ask a lot of people for their help! Lots of people helped us make our lives ready for you. They were all so excited and filled with joy for us, and I reminded everyone who helped us that they were helping us bring you home! They loved hearing that.

So this, my dear little one, is the tale of the special people in our lives who helped to make your adoption possible.

Auntie Amy, Auntie EllenAnn and Auntie Tamara (mommy's friends) did a lot of work, too. They had to write...and write...and write about every little thing they knew about us. They needed to answer a lot of questions that the adoption agency had for them. I can't remember too many of those questions now as I write this, maybe they will read this someday and remind me so that I can add some examples! If they hadn't had taken the time to write all of things that they did, we would not have been able to adopt you.

Pastor Keith and his wife Katie did a lot of work, too. Pastor Keith was mommy and daddy's when they went to Trinity Church of the Nazarene. He was the one who married your daddy and I. Pastor Keith's wife Katie and your mommy share a special bond. We used to go to dinner once a week and catch up on each other's lives. Katie was a wonderful mentor to me, and I was so sad when Keith and Katie moved to New Mexico several years after your daddy and I were married. Anyway, because our adoption agency was a Christian one, we had to have lots of forms filled out that proved that your mommy and daddy are Christians who believe in the Lord and follow His will. Pastor Keith and Katie were so thrilled about us adopting that they were more than happy to write about our testimony and church history. They were two more people who helped to bring you home!

Some of the people who helped were people who we didn't even know very well. Some people at my school had to help, too, because the adoption agency wanted to make sure that your mommy had a job and that she could make the money to pay for all of the things that you would need when you were growing up. The very nice lady at Central's district office wrote a letter that the adoption agency needed. She asked me lots of questions about the adoption process and actually started to get a little teary eyed when listening to me talk about the miracle of it all.

Daddy had to go to his work, too, and ask for a letter from his boss. His boss was very excited about your Daddy becoming a daddy and told him that he would make a fantastic father someday. I think that Daddy needed to hear that. He's a little nervous about being a father, you know. He wants to do it right! I'm sure he'll be a great dad, though. Fortunately for you, the dogs have done a lot to "break him in" for you. I'll write more on that in another post...

What I'm trying to say, my dear little one, is that without the letters and help from our bosses, we wouldn't have you in our lives!

And those are just some of the examples of the special people in our lives. I want you to know that lots and lots of people cared about us and our family that they were willing to do whatever it took to bring you home to us. Not every child can say that over fifty people helped to bring them into this world, but you can, my dear little one!

Finally, Daddy and I needed help getting ready for you. We had been waiting until I was pregnant to buy things and set up your nursery. Now that I was "paper pregnant" (and waiting to be matched with you and your birthmom), your Nonni and I could go to town getting all of the things that you would need! You probably figured this out by now, but your Nonni absolutely could not wait to be a grandma. She even talked about grandkids in giving a toast to your daddy and I on our wedding day!

Nonni and I spent a very special Saturday going shopping. We picked out a beautiful nursery set and bedding at a shop in Clovis, and brought it home. I felt so special that day and became even more excited to meet you!

Once again, your daddy and I realized that we could not get our house ready without the help and support of the people around us. We had a "baby proofing blitz" one Saturday in October, and we invited our families to come help us. Your daddy and Grandpa Mike went to the hardware store and got daddy's garage ready for you (the adoption agency wanted to make sure that you couldn't hurt yourself with all of the things that daddy has in the garage). Your Aunt Erin, Auntie Beth and Grandma Max spent the day getting the adoption profile ready. They did lots of gluing and cutting! Your Papa, Uncle Grant and Uncle Tom did a lot of hard work, too. They took down everything in home "office" and moved it into our bedroom. When they were done with that, they set up the beautiful nursery that Nonni and your mommy picked out. If you're wondering what your mommy was doing during this time, well, she was running around like crazy trying to answer everyone's questions!

And what was Nonni doing? This is another example of how much she loves you. She ironed. Everything. She ironed your bedskirt. She ironed your sheets. She ironed the ruffle on your mobile! When you look at the pictures of your nursery in your baby book (and in this blog), be sure to notice the nicely ironed mobile ruffle. And be sure to thank your Nonni for that nicely ironed mobile ruffle.

When all was said and done, our house was ready for a baby and waiting for you to come into our lives. We had plastic things in all of our outlets (so that you wouldn't electrocute yourself), child proofed all of our cabinets (I think it worked more to keep your daddy out of the cabinets than anything), made sure that nothing in the garage or house could hurt you, and transformed our office into the most beautiful nursery in the world.

Here's the before (our home office):

And here's the after with all of your family. They loved you so much that they spent all day setting this up!

While we wait for you to come and fill this nursery with memories, I spend a lot of time in here. I love just walking into it and thinking of the day we bring you home and add to our family. Your Grandma Max, Nonni and I have also been buying clothes and books for you. We have girl clothes (in case you're a girl), boy clothes (in case you're a boy) and gender neutral clothes (in case we don't find out if you're a boy or a girl until the last minute!). Grandma Max has bought a lot of books for us to read to you. A lot of them have to do with explaining the adoption process, because it is so special and such a part of our family story. Grandma Max understands what your daddy and I are going through right now because they adopted your Auntie Beth many years ago!

I hope you like your nursery and everything in it, because a lot of loving hands help to make it possible for you! Now go and call Nonni and thank her for ironing the ruffle on your mobile. I'm sure, that even as a baby, you appreciated it very much :-)

Love you lots,

Your Mommy

Life Before Baby!

Waiting & "Nesting"

Dearest Little One,

Your mother is not a patient woman. I mean, I don't even have the patience to stand by the microwave and wait the ninety seconds it takes to heat up a slice of pizza; I find that I must be doing something to "fill the time" (like unloading the dishwasher) so those precious 90 seconds aren't wasted. How on earth am I supposed to wait the days, weeks and months that it will take to bring you home?

At first, I tried to fill my time by doing everything I could to be ready for you. As I'm sure you know by now, "tornado woman" ("T.W.")comes out when something needs to be done in a hurry. Let me tell you, my dear child, T.W. came out in spades when it was time to prep your nursery. Never before have things happened so quickly! When that was done, and the profiles were handcrafted (all 90 pages of them), I turned to our adoption agency. And bugged them. A lot.

"Has our profile been shown yet?" I asked whichever hapless Bethany employee happened to be at the front desk. I'm sure the receptionist had to refrain from rolling her eyes, because at that point we had only been officially cleared to be shown to birthmoms for a whopping two days. I'm telling you, my little one, that Patience. Is. NOT. My. Strong. Suit.

Once those options were exhausted, I turned my attention to cross stitching. I finished the cross stitch Santa that I had spent 8 years (on and off) working on! When that was finished, I started the process of working on a birth announcement cross stitch that will one day be hanging on the wall of your nursery. I think I got in over my head, but hey, if I can make it work and finish it, my next task is a full scale cross stitch monopoly board. Your mamma dreams big, little one!

Cross stitch only held my attention for a week or two, and then I turned my attention to organizing every single closet and cupboard in the house. At the moment, I've categorized and sorted the spice cabinet, tossed out 2 bags full of outdated items that were taking up space in the pantry, and gathered five large bags of clothes to donate to the local thrift store. When you combine the uncontrollable desire to organize everything in sight with the need to cook (and freeze) mass quantities of food, it all adds up to one thing: nesting.

At first, I thought I was nuts. I mean, I'm not physically pregnant, so how could I be feeling these urges to make my home perfect for our future baby? I consulted with my new friends on the adoption message board, and they assured me that I am not nuts. In fact, it's perfectly normal for an adoptive mother to be to completely go into nesting mode. Whew. I feel better now.

And now, my dear child, I'm off to wash, clean and sort the clothes that have been hanging in the closet of your room. Feel free to come any time! We're ready! And when I say I can't wait to meet you, I mean it!

Breaking Us In

Dearest Little One,

I know that I should probably write more about your father before I start writing about the dogs, but seeing Marley and Me tonight inspired me to write about the joys that are Maynerd and Roxy. Your father will just have to wait!

It saddens me to write this, but I don't know if they'll be around when you're old enough to read this. If you didn't know already, they're two of the best dogs on the planet (not to mention the cutest)! And you, my dear child, have a lot to thank them for. They broke us in for you! It took some work on their part, but they were able to do it.

Maynerd

Maynerd is the dog of many names. He's Maynerd Eugene when he's in trouble (which is often). I started calling him "Buddy" early on, and that morphed into "Bubba," which changed again to "Bubby." He loves being called Bubby because that means that he's going to get his ears scratched.

Maynerd was my dog first. Well, technically, he was Nonni and Papa's dog first. Then he was Uncle Grant's dog. Then, he moved in with me and never looked back. He had been living with me for six months when your father and I started dating, and I swear, Maynerd was the one who cinched the deal for us.

You see, your daddy came to my house one night under the guise of needing some headache medicine (yeah, right). He walked inside, picked out a movie, and plopped down on the couch. Maynerd, seeing an open lap, jumped right on the couch next to him and put his head on your daddy's lap. That was it--it was love at first sight (between Maynerd and your daddy, that is). I think your daddy loved Maynerd so much that he knew that he had to marry me to get the dog, because he proposed fifteen days later.

The love story between your daddy and Maynerd is unreal. They definitely are two peas in a pod, those two. Your daddy's favorite thing to do in the wintertime is grab Maynerd for a spooning session on cold winter mornings. Good thing for your daddy that Maynerd is a cuddler!

Maynerd has been the dog with the mischievous streak. He thinks nothing of getting into the trash and dragging out whatever treasure he finds to devour right in front of our eyes. Each time, we stop him, and each time he looks at us with this look of shock that we took [insert random piece of trash here] away from him.

Maynerd prepared us to be parents in several different ways. For one, he's got a bladder problem, so we were changing diapers for years before you ever came into the picture. Yep, our dog wears denim diapers.

Another way he paved the road for you was he taught us all about priorities. In Maynerd land, cuddling and licking comes first, then sleeping, then playing with others. Those are pretty good mottos to live by, don't you think? Well, I don't know about the licking part, but everything else sounds about right. I can't tell you how many times I've been stressed out over something, and and he'll just walk over to me and put his head on my lap, as if to say "It'll be ok. Just pet me and it will be a-okay. While you're at it, could you give the ears a scratch, too? Nice. Right there. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggghhhhhht Thhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrreeeeeeee."

He's been an awesome dog, and we know that he's going to be your best buddy!

Roxy

Roxy is sooo my dog. We adopted her from the SPCA when your daddy and I had been married for two months. I fell in love with this black and white scraggly mutt the minute I laid eyes on her, and I'm pretty sure the feeling was mutual. She very rarely leaves my side. In fact, as I write this, she's laying right next to me!

I know they say that dogs and their owners are usually alike, but that really is the case with Roxy and I. We're both short, feisty, and incredibly temperamental balls of energy. While Maynerd and your daddy catch up on their morning sleep, Roxy and I hit the ground running each morning. Granted, I'm not as excited as Roxy each morning (she treats each morning as if it were Christmas morning), but I love the time we share just the same.

If Maynerd taught your father and I about diapers and priorities, Roxy taught us about barf. You see, while Maynerd had problems keeping his bladder in check, Roxy had problems keeping her food down. She barfed. Everywhere. We eventually figured out what the problem was and changed her food (the barfing stopped), but your dad sure did have to get over his fear of barf really quickly!

Barfing aside, Roxy prepared your father the most for parenthood. He wasn't a very patient person at first, so Roxy had to break him in really well. She did this by rolling over to pee whenever he came near her or spoke in a stern voice. Needless to say, it didn't take your father long to realize that he needed to speak more gently around her. It took some time, but the two of them really have come a long way. Your daddy's now Roxy's second favorite person in the house, and she'll crawl onto his lap for a quick snuggle when my lap is otherwise occupied by a computer. We think she'll be the one to wake you up each morning. She tends to bark when her breakfast comes out :-)

So there you have it, dearest little one. The full story of Maynerd and Roxy. We've had such a fun time being "parents" to our dogs that we knew we needed to add human babies to the mix. Thank you for being the answer to our prayers!

Daddy Knows Best?

Hello my little one!

I'm supposing that you're wondering where your father fits into all of this. I've written all about myself, your nursery and the dogs, but have left out one very important part of the picture: your daddy.

Your dad is one of the goofiest, hard working, gentlest people I know. He's a kid at heart and he keeps me looking at the brighter side of life. I'm sure you've heard by now the way God brought us together through the fog, it's such a romantic (award winning!) story that I love to tell when people ask. We met on Superbowl Sunday at church in 2003 and got engaged that May after briefly dating. We were married on January 3, 2004 in the white church I had always dreamed of getting married in. We had so much fun that day; what a great way to start our lives together!



Our wedding day


Isn't your father handsome? Anyway, while your daddy and I may have different life perspectives (I'm the planner who tends to think things through and he's the impulsive "let's do it!" kind of guy), we love each other more with every growing day. We help to keep each other balanced.


While I always wanted to be a mom, it's taken your father a little while longer to come around to the idea. I don't think he'll be truly ready until he sees you for the first time. My prediction? He'll hold you in his arms that first time and fall to pieces loving you. I've seen the way he looks at the things he loves (me, the dogs, his vehicles...), and his love shines through every ounce of his being. He may not always be the perfect father (just like I may not always be the perfect mother), but he is looking to try his best.


You see, your daddy doesn't do anything halfway. If he wants to sell sno cones, he doesn't just go out and get a Snoopy shaved ice machine. He saves his money and buys the industrial one that makes 30-50 sno cones a day! If he does the yards or cleans the house, he doesn't just do the quick once over. He gives it his full attention and works wonders with everything he does.


This is why, my little one, I know he's going to give it his all with parenthood. He's a little nervous about how to handle a newborn, but I'm sure he'll do his best like he does with everything else. He practices for parenthood when he thinks I'm not looking. When he and I were taking a CPR class last month, I caught him practicing how to hold a newborn with the CPR mannequin!


From the looks of the mannquin, he'll do just fine with fatherhood; the look on his face says it all.