Staying Home

Dearest Little One,

I know I wrote earlier about how life hasn't always happened as we planned it, and never was that more evident than today. You see, dear child, when I was planning for my future family (before I ever met your father), I always had it in my head that I would stay at home once babies came into the picture. To be a stay at home mom was my dream. I even "practiced" by making lots of baked goods and perfecting my scrapbooks. Because...that's all that stay at home moms do, right? Bake and craft all day long? Yeah right. Pardon me while I step to the side while the glares of all of the real stay at home moms pierce through the computer screen.

At any rate, while we attempted to make our dreams of a family a reality, the dream that I would be a stay at home mom remained just that: a dream. Financially, we just couldn't afford for me to stay at home with our kids. My job provided most of our income and insurance. We toyed with the idea of your father staying at home, but doubted it would become a reality. We started to look around to see who would be willing to provide childcare for the children that we hoped to add to our small family.

Then, our lives changed dramatically last April. Your father--trying to impress the neighborhood boys--popped a wheelie on a bicycle he was rebuilding. The brakes hadn't been installed on the bike yet, and your dad ended up sprawled out on the asphalt in front of our neighbor's house. One week and one surgery later, we knew that things wouldn't be the same. Your father--who had energy to spare and did yard work "for fun," could no longer walk.

Weeks turned into months as he slowly recovered. One surgery became four separate surgical procedures. A month of physical therapy turned into seven months of thrice-weekly appointments. Even now, nine months after he got hurt, he walks with a pretty major limp. Yep, my child, life isn't going to be the same for our little family.

Today, my little one, reality hit. We had to go to the Social Security office to apply for permanent disability benefits for your father. He's been receiving insurance payments from the state, but those are set to expire in April, and there's no way your daddy can go back to truck driving by then...if ever.

While it saddens me that you will never know what it's like for your daddy to ride a bike or work as a truck driver, it is because of this injury that our dreams were realized: your father is going to be a stay at home dad, at least until he is well enough to return to work. You will know the serenity of having a stay at home parent by your side during your growing up years. It fills me with joy to know that one of us will be able to kiss your owies and see your little face when you wake up from naps.

Who knows? I may even teach him to bake and scrapbook, the way "cool" stay at home moms do.

Hugs and kisses,
your mommy