Dearest Child of Mine,
I think the title pretty much sums it up: what a rollercoaster of a week this was. I'll begin with the positive:
I was teaching when I got a phone call from our social worker at the adoption agency. A birthmom saw our profile and was interested in meeting us in person. We would be one of two families that she would meet with. I was so excited! I hung up the phone and promptly called your father to fill him in. He, too, thought this was wonderful news. I then called Nonni. She was super excited, too. Especially when she found out that the baby's due date would be on February 26: Nonni's birthday.
After making those phone calls, I shot off 20 or so text messages to my closest friends and family asking for their prayers. And then I remembered that I had a children's theatre class to teach and a classful of students wondering what the heck was their teacher spending so much time on the phone for. I filled them in, and they all gasped with joy.
Fast forward an hour or so later, and I was on my way to get lunch for your father while talking to Nonni on the phone (about how we're trying not to get too too excited), when the phone beeped and I realized our social worker was calling. I ended the conversation with Nonni so I could answer the social worker's call. It was not good news that she had for me. The birthmom had decided that she was going to parent her child and that adoption was no longer an option for her.
I won't lie, little one. That news bummed me out...but it wasn't as bad as I thought, because once again, God filled my heart with peace. You see, I know now that the child to be born around February 26 is not my child. You are my child. And someday...we'll meet and you will join our family for forever.
Waiting for your hugs and kisses,
your mommy
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Mmmm...cookies
Dearest Child of Mine,
Last fall, I ordered the Sesame Street cartridge for my die cut machine to make really cool letters like this:
I spent the weekend thinking of you as I took it upon myself to make a plethora of Sesame Street letters for your baby book. My scrapbooking machine is an awesome thing, but methinks that sometimes its coolness makes me want to go a little crazy with all of the things it can do. Just to make one set of letters took the better part of Sunday. Big Bird's eyes? Yeah. Lots of little pieces. If you ever wonder why there's more Elmo than Big Bird in your scrapbooks...well, now you know why. It's because Elmo's waaaaaaaay easier.
At any rate, I'm thinking that I'm going to use the letters I made and turn them into an ABC family book. Each page will have a letter and then a picture of whatever goes along with that pages topic.
This is what I've come up with so far:
Last fall, I ordered the Sesame Street cartridge for my die cut machine to make really cool letters like this:
I spent the weekend thinking of you as I took it upon myself to make a plethora of Sesame Street letters for your baby book. My scrapbooking machine is an awesome thing, but methinks that sometimes its coolness makes me want to go a little crazy with all of the things it can do. Just to make one set of letters took the better part of Sunday. Big Bird's eyes? Yeah. Lots of little pieces. If you ever wonder why there's more Elmo than Big Bird in your scrapbooks...well, now you know why. It's because Elmo's waaaaaaaay easier.
At any rate, I'm thinking that I'm going to use the letters I made and turn them into an ABC family book. Each page will have a letter and then a picture of whatever goes along with that pages topic.
This is what I've come up with so far:
- A is for Adoption Day (or Auntie Erin, if you're a girl)
- B is for Auntie Beth
- C is for Cousin (fill in name of your cousin here)
- D is for Daddy
- E is for Auntie Erin (or your name if you're a girl)
- F is for Family
- G is for Grandma Max & Grandpa Michael
- H is for Home
- I is for ........?
- J is for (your name if you're a boy)
- K is for Kisses
- L is for.......?
- M is for Mommy
- N is for Nonni
- O is for Our dogs
- P is for Papa
- Q is for....?
- R is for Roxy
- S is for.....?
- T is for Uncle Tom
- U is for Uncle Grant
- V is for Vogt
- W is for We love you
- X is for (eXtra special?)
- Y is for...?
- Z is for Zoo animals
I'm hoping that the lovely people who read this will give me suggestions for the letters I need help with. I have some ideas, but I'm looking for something that's more concrete in your world so I can take pictures of it.
Hmmm...I'm going to have to ponder this for a while.
I love you so much!
Love,
Your Mommy
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Staying Home
Dearest Little One,
I know I wrote earlier about how life hasn't always happened as we
planned it, and never was that more evident than today. You see, dear child, when I was planning for my future family (before I ever met your father), I always had it in my head that I would stay at home once babies came into the picture. To be a stay at home mom was my dream. I even "practiced" by making lots of baked goods and perfecting my scrapbooks. Because...that's all that stay at home moms do, right? Bake and craft all day long? Yeah right. Pardon me while I step to the side while the glares of all of the real stay at home moms pierce through the computer screen.
At any rate, while we attempted to make our dreams of a family a reality, the dream that I would be a stay at home mom remained just that: a dream. Financially, we just couldn't afford for me to stay at home with our kids. My job provided most of our income and insurance. We toyed with the idea of your father staying at home, but doubted it would become a reality. We started to look around to see who would be willing to provide childcare for the children that we hoped to add to our small family.
Then, our lives changed dramatically last April. Your father--trying to impress the neighborhood boys--popped a wheelie on a bicycle he was rebuilding. The brakes hadn't been installed on the bike yet, and your dad ended up sprawled out on the asphalt in front of our neighbor's house. One week and one surgery later, we knew that things wouldn't be the same. Your father--who had energy to spare and did yard work "for fun," could no longer walk.
Weeks turned into months as he slowly recovered. One surgery became four separate surgical procedures. A month of physical therapy turned into seven months of thrice-weekly appointments. Even now, nine months after he got hurt, he walks with a pretty major limp. Yep, my child, life isn't going to be the same for our little family.
Today, my little one, reality hit. We had to go to the Social Security office to apply for permanent disability benefits for your father. He's been receiving insurance payments from the state, but those are set to expire in April, and there's no way your daddy can go back to truck driving by then...if ever.
While it saddens me that you will never know what it's like for your daddy to ride a bike or work as a truck driver, it is because of this injury that our dreams were realized: your father is going to be a stay at home dad, at least until he is well enough to return to work. You will know the serenity of having a stay at home parent by your side during your growing up years. It fills me with joy to know that one of us will be able to kiss your owies and see your little face when you wake up from naps.
Who knows? I may even teach him to bake and scrapbook, the way "cool" stay at home moms do.
Hugs and kisses,
your mommy
I know I wrote earlier about how life hasn't always happened as we
planned it, and never was that more evident than today. You see, dear child, when I was planning for my future family (before I ever met your father), I always had it in my head that I would stay at home once babies came into the picture. To be a stay at home mom was my dream. I even "practiced" by making lots of baked goods and perfecting my scrapbooks. Because...that's all that stay at home moms do, right? Bake and craft all day long? Yeah right. Pardon me while I step to the side while the glares of all of the real stay at home moms pierce through the computer screen.At any rate, while we attempted to make our dreams of a family a reality, the dream that I would be a stay at home mom remained just that: a dream. Financially, we just couldn't afford for me to stay at home with our kids. My job provided most of our income and insurance. We toyed with the idea of your father staying at home, but doubted it would become a reality. We started to look around to see who would be willing to provide childcare for the children that we hoped to add to our small family.
Then, our lives changed dramatically last April. Your father--trying to impress the neighborhood boys--popped a wheelie on a bicycle he was rebuilding. The brakes hadn't been installed on the bike yet, and your dad ended up sprawled out on the asphalt in front of our neighbor's house. One week and one surgery later, we knew that things wouldn't be the same. Your father--who had energy to spare and did yard work "for fun," could no longer walk.
Weeks turned into months as he slowly recovered. One surgery became four separate surgical procedures. A month of physical therapy turned into seven months of thrice-weekly appointments. Even now, nine months after he got hurt, he walks with a pretty major limp. Yep, my child, life isn't going to be the same for our little family.
Today, my little one, reality hit. We had to go to the Social Security office to apply for permanent disability benefits for your father. He's been receiving insurance payments from the state, but those are set to expire in April, and there's no way your daddy can go back to truck driving by then...if ever.
While it saddens me that you will never know what it's like for your daddy to ride a bike or work as a truck driver, it is because of this injury that our dreams were realized: your father is going to be a stay at home dad, at least until he is well enough to return to work. You will know the serenity of having a stay at home parent by your side during your growing up years. It fills me with joy to know that one of us will be able to kiss your owies and see your little face when you wake up from naps.
Who knows? I may even teach him to bake and scrapbook, the way "cool" stay at home moms do.
Hugs and kisses,
your mommy
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Change Is Here
Dearest Child of Mine,
Today was a huge day in the story of the United States. Our 44th President, Barack H. Obama, took an oath today making him the first non-white leader of our country. It was inspiring to see my students stare at the television as he delivered his speech today at the Washington Mall.
You could almost feel the electricity in my classroom, little one. All 35 of my beginning theatre students sat in utter silence as they watched history being made. Their chests puffed out a little bit more and their smiles grew wider as the inspiration caught on. This, my child, is a huge day.
You see, you will never grow up as I did (and your grandparents did, and their grandparents did...), seeing only white men take leadership positions throughout the country. Slowly, in my growing up years, that began to change as women and minorities gradually took on more influential political positions. Today's inauguration was the culminating points of many people's dreams, dear child.
Yes we can. Yes he can. Yes you can.
Dream big, little one, because the world is your oyster to take.
your mommy
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Oh, the Irony
Dearest Child,
As we prepare for your pending arrival, one of the final steps toward completion is the final adoption payment that we will owe the agency before we can take you home.
As it's a rather large amount and your dad isn't working now, we're having to turn to other ways to raise the money so our dreams of parenthood can come true. For now, I'm doing Pampered Chef fundraisers (if you ever wonder why just about every item in the kitchen is Pampered Chef, now you know the answer).
Another way I'm raising money is by taking on extra jobs at school. Today, I started my first job: teaching home hospital to a Central student. The ironic twist would be that this student is home on maternity leave, having just had her baby on Christmas Day. Yep, I'm teaching students who have just had babies to pay for my future baby's adoption!
In the meantime, I can only trust that our road to adoption will continue to be a smooth one. I'm praying that we're not forced to fundraise for the entire remaining balance. I applied for several adoption grants; it will be a huge blessing if we can receive even one.
Praying for you,
your mommy
As we prepare for your pending arrival, one of the final steps toward completion is the final adoption payment that we will owe the agency before we can take you home.
As it's a rather large amount and your dad isn't working now, we're having to turn to other ways to raise the money so our dreams of parenthood can come true. For now, I'm doing Pampered Chef fundraisers (if you ever wonder why just about every item in the kitchen is Pampered Chef, now you know the answer).
Another way I'm raising money is by taking on extra jobs at school. Today, I started my first job: teaching home hospital to a Central student. The ironic twist would be that this student is home on maternity leave, having just had her baby on Christmas Day. Yep, I'm teaching students who have just had babies to pay for my future baby's adoption!
In the meantime, I can only trust that our road to adoption will continue to be a smooth one. I'm praying that we're not forced to fundraise for the entire remaining balance. I applied for several adoption grants; it will be a huge blessing if we can receive even one.
Praying for you,
your mommy
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Ha! I was Right!
Dearest Child of Mine,
Remember when I wrote that post about flying space cars? Well today, I saw this:
Remember when I wrote that post about flying space cars? Well today, I saw this:
Space cars aren't for the movies anymore, baby. They're real and they're here and they're testing them out this year!
Ok, I'm done now.
Love you to the moon and back,
your mommy
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